None So Blind
by Cats070911
Summary: After upsetting Barbara at the pub Tommy is given a few blunt and crude home truths by a drunken Lafferty. How will he go about winning Barbara's heart?
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note:** all usual disclaimers apply. This idea was originally going to be part of Mid Life Crisis but I preferred the version I wrote with just our two main characters and thought with some tweaking this might stand alone. Be warned Stuart is drunk and so his usual discretion has disappeared behind very blunt and crude home truths.

* * *

"We're a fine lot sitting here in misery," Stuart Lafferty roared across the table, trying to be heard above the raucous din of the pub's entertainment. "Who the flaming hell has a rockabilly punk band on a Friday night? Can't you arrest them or something?"

The most junior officer replied first. "It's not against the law to torture people in a pub if they come in willingly but is that noise even a genre?" Nkata asked as the thrashing guitars imitated the chords of Appalachian banjos.

"I like it Winston," Barbara retorted, "it's got rhythm and a sense of fun."

Tommy Lynley grinned at his sergeant. "It's correct term is psychobilly Havers," he said knowledgeably, "it's a fusion of rock, three chord punk and sped-up rockabilly elements. Songs are usually about a horror theme, especially zombies."

The others stared at him open-mouthed. "Played a lot in Belgravia is it Sir?" she asked cheekily.

Tommy smiled smugly and did not mention the blurb on the flyers that littered each table advertising The Undead Remoras. "What about we adjourn to the Shakespeare Arms?"

The quartet made a hasty escape past the stage and out the door. The Arms was much quieter and they took their pints to a booth near the back. "So, who has anything interesting happening next week?" Stuart asked as he guzzled his pint.

"Nah, not for me unless someone murders their aunt with a toothpick," Winston said sadly, "there hasn't been a good murder in weeks."

"Is there ever a good murder Constable?," Tommy said in his best Inspector voice. "We are here to help victims find justice. Even boring murderers who are easy to catch deserve the force of the law. People are not murdered for our intellectual entertainment."

"No Sir, sorry. It's just that we're all bored and we'd rather be busy."

"Then I shall find you more paperwork tomorrow to stave off your ennui." Tommy felt a twinge of cruel satisfaction when Winston grimaced. He was also concerned that Stuart had gone for another pint. He was drinking twice as fast as the rest of them.

"I had a body come in yesterday that was pierced with thousands of holes," Stuart told them when he returned, "I was about to call you when I found he had been run over by a winnower. Some people find the weirdest ways to die."

"How cheery," Tommy said disdainfully, "doesn't anyone have any good news?"

"Man U were beaten last night by the Gunners," Winston replied.

"My wife left me," Stuart said almost casually, "says I am supposed to be happy since I love my bodies more than her."

Tommy understood the accusation and how powerless you feel against it. "Do you want me to talk to her? Explain about the job and the hours?"

"No! She already thinks you're a complete tosser. I mean why would a lord of the realm want to play cops and robbers? That what she'd always ask. Besides she's gone back to Ireland to her folks."

"Take some time and go after her," Barbara urged him, "if it were me I'd want you to prove you loved me."

"But I do love you sweetie, you know that," Stuart slurred lewdly.

"Lafferty, leave MY sergeant alone." It was much harsher than he had intended and now everyone was staring at him. He added hastily, "it's not her fault your wife left."

"Stuart's upset. He didn't mean anything by it and I work for you, I don't remember signing indenture papers or being sold on the auction block!"

He looked at his sergeant. "Sorry, it's just...sorry."

The miserable group sat in silence for a few awkward minutes until Tommy remembered. "Barbara has something to celebrate this week. A big milestone."

"What Barb?" Winston asked eagerly.

"Nothing," she snapped giving Lynley a withering glare.

Tommy did not understand. "It's a big birthday Barbara. Are you planning something special? I thought the squad could all come to the pub and celebrate with you. I'll order a cake."

"Broadcast it to the world why don't you!" She turned to the pub and shouted "I'll be forty on Tuesday!" A chorus of drunken cheers and catcalls came back at her. She turned to her boss and hissed, "happy?"

Winston downed his beer quickly. "Oh look nearly eight o'clock. Time I was off. See you Monday." Tommy and Barbara were still staring at each other. He looked contrite and puzzled while she had a murderous anger that was threatening to turn into something Winston did not want to witness.

"I'll come with you. We can share a cab," she said and pushed past Lynley. "G'night, she'll come back" she said to Stuart as she gently squeezed his shoulder. She ignored Tommy as she headed for the door.

"That went well," Lafferty said with a huge, intoxicated grin splitting his face.

Tommy stared at him. "I thought she'd be happy someone cared enough to arrange something."

"She's turning forty man! Women don't see that as an achievement. It's a time to reflect on everything and I think you'll find Barbara thinks she's a failure. She's got no one in her life, no kids, no family, never had a relationship, has spent ten years watching the man she adores stumble from one disaster to another and has nothing to look forward to except a life of loneliness. Yeah, let's have a party."

"Do you think she really feels that way?"

"Yeah, I do. Seeing I'm separated maybe I should give her a good rogering so she at least feels someone cares."

"Lafferty! Don't speak about Barbara like that." Tommy's jaw set angrily and his hand clenched into a fist.

"Well you don't seem up to it! You've tried it on with every other woman in the building it seems but never once with Barbara."

"Argh!" Tommy said dismissively. "What man?"

"What 'what man?"

"Who's this man she adores?" Tommy was angry and felt possessive about his sergeant. How could he not know about this man?

"You, you cockhead!"

"Me?" he asked incredulously.

"Yes, I can't understand it but she dotes on your sorry arse and you never see it. Just think how she rallied everyone when you played paedophile with that woman that was murdered at your brother's flat after you'd just shagged her. We all could have lost our jobs trying help you but she was very insistent."

"You think she loves me?" Tommy asked softly.

"Man are you dense? Yes, she fooking loves you! The only thing she wants for her birthday is for you to turn up at her door with a big pink bow tied 'round your dick!"

"I see." Tommy sighed and stared at his beer. "I respect her too much," he eventually said.

"Too much to what? Make love to a beautiful woman who loves you."

"To hurt her by some ill-conceived encounter!"

"And I don't suppose you've the sense to realise YOU love HER do you?"

"You're presuming."

"No, I'm bloody observing! For fook's sake man! Just ask yourself who's in your head when you're having a tug."

"Stuart!"

"Stuart me all you like but I just saw your eyes. I KNOW I'm right!"

"She's a dear, dear friend," Tommy replied as he took a sip from his beer. "She'd never have me. She can't get past the 'Earl thing'."

"Help her. She only needs to know you truly love her."

"Do I though? I made a mistake with Helen trying to turn friendship into romance."

"When you first shagged Helen did you see stars?"

Tommy tilted his head. "I've never seen stars."

"Then you've never really been in love. You'll know with Barbara after one kiss. If you don't feel it then no harm done. Anyone can expect a kiss for their milestones."

Tommy looked down in his beer. "What if I see stars and she doesn't?"

"Finally we get to the truth! You're scared of rejection!"

"No damn it Lafferty, I'm scared we'll lose what we have and feel obligated to try to make it work."

"It's Barbara, not Helen. Helen felt obligated too, just like you, but Barbara loves you. She probably hasn't got a clue how to go about it physically given her limited experience and you can expect it to be awkward at first but don't give up. Kiss her like you've never kissed anyone and take everything slowly, at her pace. I think nature'll work it out for you."

Tommy glared at Stuart. "And how the hell do you know about her sexual experience?"

"See, you're jealous. Because we have shared a few tearful, drunken nights in the pub. She's had one lover, a one night stand fifteen years ago. She can't even bring herself to call you Tommy. Of course she's scared of anything happening even if she craves it."

"How do I even start? I mean we have patterns...lines we don't cross...rules."

"Then fooking break one. Do something romantic; something only you would do. Take her somewhere away from the crowds and find a reason to be close. Hold her hand, put your arm around her. I don't know. Just don't suddenly jump her like a randy teenager."

"I...I don't know Stuart. We're so different."

"What are you worried about? That your family and friends won't like it that you've fallen in love with someone from 'below stairs'?"

"No! I don't care about any of that but Barbara does."

"Then fooking convince her! Make her feel like a countess! Make her so desperate to be with you that nothing else matters. Be a fooking man Lynley!"

"And what about you?"

"What about me?"

"Barbara's right. You shouldn't be sitting here drowning your sorrows. You should be in Ireland getting your wife back. Convince her! Treat her like your princess!"

Stuart smiled wryly. "You're fooking right, I should. We both need them to be happy don't we?"

Tommy nodded, drained his beer and stood to leave. "Yes Stuart, I think we do."


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note:** originally the story stopped at the end of the last chapter with the hint that Tommy was standing so he could go around and see Barbara. However it seems there was an expectation for me to tell you what happened when he did...

Oh, and for you Stuart fans he will appear in a later chapter.

* * *

As Tommy sat forlornly in the cab an idea struck him. He reached for his phone and made a few calls. "Driver can we go to Chalk Farm please?" Tommy gave him the address and sat back nervously.

"Havers!" she spat angrily into the phone.

"Hi. It's me, Tommy," he said nervously.

"What do you want?" He could tell she was still furious with him.

"I rang to apologise. I'm standing on your doorstep."

"Is my bell broken?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Then ring it!" She hung up and Tommy grinned. This was going to be an interesting conversation.

He reached for the bell and pressed. The door swung open almost immediately and he was confronted by Barbara carrying a broom. The image made him smile and he could not resist. "Going somewhere?" he quipped and nodded to the broom.

"Ha bloody ha. You'd better come in I suppose." She stood aside to let him pass her.

Tommy noticed that Barbara had been tidying her flat and sweeping the kitchen floor. She must be really fuming at him to turn to domestic chores. She started to sweep again and Tommy stood so that she could not escape the narrow confines of her small kitchen.

"I came to say I'm truly sorry Barbara," he said sincerely, "I didn't think about how you might feel about your birthday, or sharing your age with everyone and I was arrogant in assuming I should control your day."

Barbara stopped sweeping and leant on her broom. "I don't care if they know, I just don't want a fuss. Call me a crabby middle-aged woman but I had hoped it would slip by unnoticed."

"Why?"

"Does it matter?"

"To me it does. I want to understand how you feel before I ask you something."

"What?" Her anger with him seemed to be waning so Tommy walked over and took the broom from her hand and leant it against the bench.

"Tell me first," he insisted. He stood as close as he dared.

Barbara sighed like she always did when she knew he would persist until she gave in. "I feel angry that my life is slipping by and I don't seem to have done anything with it. I didn't expect much from life but I don't think I thought I'd be forty and still a sergeant. It's not about the usual stuff like not having kids, it's just that I...want more."

Tommy blanched at her words. He had not expected her job to be the main factor. "Do you feel I'm holding you back?" He was not sure he wanted to hear her answer.

"What? No! It's not you Sir. I love working with you: you know that. I can't explain it."

"I don't think I could work without you now but I don't want to hold you back and stop your dreams Barbara."

Barbara's expression softened. "You're not. I...I don't want to work with anyone else either."

Tommy grinned at her, the way he knew he only ever smiled for her. "I've come to ask if you'd let me share your birthday with you."

"Why?" she asked suspiciously.

"Because I'd like you to. I care about you Barbara and I want to make it an experience you'll look back on with pleasure, not regret."

Barbara looked up at him and he could see a tear welling in the corner of each eye. He wanted to reach out and kiss them away but Stuart's warning to take things slowly echoed in his ears. So he put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. "I want to take you away for a few days if you'll let me; my treat as your birthday present. Will you let me do that for you?"

Now the tears started to run down her face. He pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to her. "Sorry Sir, it's just that after the way I spoke to you, you're still so...thoughtful."

"I deserved it and Stuart made me realise I was being an arrogant fool. I think a few days away will do us both good." She nodded gratefully. "We leave at six in the morning. I'll pick you up."

"Tomorrow? My birthday's not till Tuesday."

"I've already arranged it with Hillier. You only turn forty once."

"Can I ask where we're going? Howenstowe?"

"No, a bit further away. I'm not telling you so no point in hounding me. I want to surprise you. I think you'll like it."

"No horses?" she asked warily.

"No, no horses and no hiking or other strenuous activity."

"No fancy places where I'll feel out of place?"

"No, somewhere you'll like I'm sure. So will you make a silly Inspector happy and come?"

"Yeah, I suppose," she said with a smile that told him it was not in doubt. "What do I pack?"

"Pack light. Just spare underwear, toiletries, a spare shirt, a pair of jeans." _Anything else we need I'll buy._

"This is against my better judgement," she said without conviction.

"I should go," he replied. He grinned broadly as she led him to the door. "See you at six and oh, before I forget, bring your passport."

Tommy arrived early to find Barbara searching through her kitchen cupboards for her passport. He was worried his plans would wither until she held it up triumphantly. "Got it!"

"Good the cab is waiting, come on or we'll be late." He was pleased to see she had a small cabin bag as her only luggage. That would give him an excuse to spoil her.

Barbara was curious and soon worked out they were headed to City Airport. "Where are we going?" she asked wide-eyed.

"You'll find out soon I suppose. Where do you hope we're going?"

"You can't ask that because then you'll think wherever you chosen isn't good enough but it will be. It'll just be good to get out of London for a few days."

"We're catching a flight to Zurich and then a local train to one of my favourite places in Europe. I'm not telling you any more details yet."

"Switzerland?"

"Is there another Zurich?" he laughed.

"So you're writing this off on expenses to visit your gold deposits," she joked.

"I don't have to visit them. I get a statement every month." Tommy smirked at the shock on her face.

The flight was smooth and they connected with a train to Lucerne directly under the terminal. "You have to admire Swiss efficiency," Tommy said. It had taken them only fifteen minutes from plane gate through immigration and onto the train.

Barbara stared out the window of the intercity express at the distant views of snow-capped mountains and the large lake that they were whisking past. "It's so different Sir."

"Barbara it will seem odd to people if you call me Sir all the time. Do you think that just for these five days we can try 'Tommy'? Then if you don't like it we can revert when we get back." She considered it then nodded but did not try it out.

As she stared at the view, he observed Barbara. She looked more relaxed already. It seemed her birthday was bothering her more than he had realised. He was still not convinced that he was in love with her. He certainly loved her, like family, and he was definitely attracted to her physically but he did not know if it was the type of love Stuart proclaimed. Bringing her away had been the easy part. Lucerne was romantic in a way but not overbearingly so like Paris. They could easily spend five days here as friends or as lovers, the choice came down not only to Barbara's reactions but to what he did. Tommy liked to think he was a skilled and satisfying lover but he had never romanced a woman before. Women had fallen at his feet without effort and were normally only too eager to bed him. Even Helen and Deborah had been conversations rather than lengthy courtships. For once in his life Tommy was unsure how to approach a woman. He sighed and decided to not think about it and react spontaneously, at least for the rest of the day.

Lynley had booked adjoining rooms in a hotel overlooking the lake. It was a short walk from the large glass arch of the railway station around the lake edge, past the tourist steamers, to the imposing elegance of the hotel. He had wanted to book the suite on the top of the five storied limestone building but he had decided that he needed to show he could live more simply. Even so the rooms were spacious and rather grand. Their rooms overlooked the shimmering blue lake and the mountains beyond, visible through floor to ceiling French doors that opened onto small stone balconies. The dark wood, ornate mosaic floors and pink marble columns of the foyer had given way to a modern, almost minimalist feel in the rooms which although large seemed dominated by the huge beds with pale grey leather bedheads and crisp white linen partially hidden by a navy cover. Tommy wondered idly whose bed they would share. When Barbara smiled at him he blushed at his thought and she frowned. "It looks expensive," she said, "...but wonderful. Thank you Si...Tommy."

Hearing her say his name for the first time sent a shiver through him. He smiled back with genuine pleasure and was tempted to pull her to him and kiss her the way Stuart had suggested. He could almost see the stars now. He knew though that patience was the key. He wanted anything between them to evolve organically and if he moved too fast she would think it was all a ruse to get her into his bed.

"I'm glad you like it. Freshen up and I'll come back in fifteen minutes and we can go for lunch and a stroll around the old city."

"Can we go on one of those while we're here?" she asked pointing to the white tourist boat on the lake.

"Of course. We can go tomorrow if you'd like."

Tommy went out the main door but fifteen minutes later he opened his half of the interconnecting doors and knocked. It swung open. "That's handy," Barbara said, "if we leave these unlocked and you snore I can sneak in and smother you."

Her happy grin was infectious. "I don't snore!"

"Yes you do! I've heard you when we've stayed in some of those cheap hotels the Met pay for."

"Oh and those noises I heard were from someone other than you I suppose?" he retorted playfully just as her stomach rumbled loudly. He put his arm around her shoulder and headed for the door. "Let's go and find you some food."


	3. Chapter 3

Tommy led Barbara away from the lake to a small restaurant tucked in a leafy street near a small park. There were only half a dozen small round tables inside and Tommy sat at one near the small, square wooden windows. "May I order for you?" he asked Barbara who nodded.

Barbara smiled and shook her head when he ordered in fluent German. "I should have known. You speak German."

"Passably, and French," he said without conceit, "I learnt them at school."

"I did Food Science at school but it doesn't mean I can cook!"

They shared a laugh about her culinary prowess over a cup of strong coffee until their meal arrived. Barbara looked at it then Tommy. "What is it?" she asked once the waitress had returned to the kitchen.

"Zurchergeschnetzeltes, which means roughly 'Zurich cut meat'. It's basically veal cooked in cream, onions, white wine and mushrooms and served with a potato rosti. I think you'll enjoy it."

He was pleased when Barbara cautiously took a bite then began to hurriedly devour the rest. "It's good," she managed between bites. "What?"

"Anyone would think you were hungry."

"I am. I haven't eaten since last night!"

Tommy called the waitress back and ordered two slices of the rich chocolate cake from the counter that Barbara had been eying off. "That should suffice for an hour or so." He grinned when Barbara muttered something unintelligible but clearly uncomplimentary under her breath.

Tommy started his city tour with a quick stroll to the Lion Monument. "It was commissioned to commemorate the Swiss Guards who lost their lives in a massacre in 1792 during the French Revolution when they were defending the Tuileres Palace."

"It's beautiful but so sad. It looks like it's inside a pig."

"Ever observant aren't you? It is. The sculptor wasn't paid his full money so instead of disfiguring the lion he shaped the den like a pig. People didn't notice at first but when they realised he refused to fix it."

"It makes it more...I dunno...moving."

Tommy looked at the lion. It was carved into the grey rock of a low cliff where vines clung tenaciously to the wall all the way down to the dirty green pond at its base. The noble beast was dying, a broken spear protruding from its shoulder and its head lying protectively across a fallen shield. One paw and part of its tail hung listlessly out of the opening adding to the sense of sorrow and waste. The story and names of some of the dead were hewn into the rock beneath him. The lion was a good memorial to brave men who had fought well and died proud deaths. Tommy wondered if the reality of the massacre had been far less heroic. "Mark Twain once said it was 'the most mournful and moving piece of stone in the world'." Barbara looked up at him sadly. He frowned. "What's wrong?"

"You look like that at times."

"I'm not so noble I'm afraid Barbara."

"You're a good man Tommy but despite your sense of righteousness you don't really believe in your innate goodness. I'm sorry, I shouldn't've said that."

He understood her and was touched. She moved closer and he put his arm around her shoulder and lightly kissed the top of her head. For the first time he could remember she slipped her arm around his waist. He barely breathed for fear of breaking the spell.

"Excuse me," a young man asked, "would you mind taking a photo for us?" He held out his iPhone and Tommy reluctantly obliged.

"What about you two?" The man's girlfriend asked.

Tommy pulled out his phone. "That would be lovely thank you." He put his arm around her and she again returned the hold. He beamed into the lens; he would treasure this memento.

They walked in companionable silence back to the lake past their hotel. "It's a lovely town," Barbara remarked. "Looks rich but not snobby."

"It has a lot of history too."

He guided her towards the city's hub. "Let's look up here first." They wandered through the cobbled streets and quaint plazas underneath the walls of the old town, looking in the windows of small shops selling the usual array of high street goods.

"Every second shop sells cheese, army knives, watches or chocolate," Barbara exclaimed, "where're the banks?"

"Zurich or Geneva mainly. We are in Switzerland Barbara. Would you like some chocolate for tonight?"

"Mmm." The shy nod of her head made him smile.

"Good, me too. Wait here." Tommy slipped inside a dimly lit shop that smelt invitingly of warm cocoa. It had timber and glass cases lining the walls that he imagined may have been used for centuries. He selected a generous variety of handcrafted pralines and handed over his credit card. Buying chocolates for her felt romantic, and he hoped she thought that too. He had the shopkeeper put a few in a small paperbag to sample.

They nibbled as they continue to explore. Few modern buildings interrupted the feel of the old city with its mixed architecture where spires and turrets grew almost haphazardly from buildings. Some buildings had a French, Parisian feel with Juliet balconies and top floors that squatly sloped back to a flat roof. Others were more Germanic, solid and functional with long sloping snow roofs and a sense of strength to endure the cold winters coming down from the mountains. Others were more Baltic with coloured, onion-shaped domes seeming almost whimsical against the backdrop of snow covered peaks.

They reached an old covered bridge across the river, overhung by trees on the near bank. It was not pretty but its heavy wooden beams stained dark over years of use had a dependability and history that Tommy liked. They stopped to watch the water burble over the weir.

"Thank you," Barbara said unexpectedly as they leant on the railing watching the water.

"For what?"

"Bringing me here. It's like we're in another world and everything in London seems so insignificant." Barbara placed her hand shyly over his and squeezed gently.

Tommy turned to look at her. She was beautiful and was looking at him affectionately. He wanted to lean across and kiss her but was is too soon? She began to remove her hand so he put his other one over it. "It is. We can forget the world for a few days and just be ourselves."

Tommy did not let go when they started walking. Her hand was soft and warm but held his with a surprisingly firm grip. He was scared to look at her in case she became self-conscious and dropped his hand. When he did glance across she was also looking ahead trying to avoid his gaze. As they left the comforting cover of the bridge they turned back towards the lake. "The church is quite beautiful," he said as they approached Jesuitenkirche, "it's was the first Baroque church in Switzerland, built in the same year as the Great Fire of London."

"Wow, 1666," she said as she looked up at the twin onion-domed towers that framed the facade. "How come you know so much about it? No, don't answer that."

Tommy laughed and squeezed her hand. He felt remarkably relaxed and light; free from his usual doubts and memories. "I read a lot."

The main altar was impressive with four pink marbled columns soaring majestically up to the high arched roof. Detailed colourful images of religious scenes punctuated the white ceiling tastefully giving the impression the church was much bigger than it was in reality. Lines of simple wooden pews were dotted with people praying and for a moment Tommy envied the solace of their belief.

"One day I might make it to see some of the famous churches of the world," she lamented.

"We could do a cathedral crawl for our next holiday if you like." They looked at each other. Tommy saw the colour creep up her neck. She pulled out of his hand.

"Don't tease me," she said quietly.

Tommy cursed inwardly. He had gone too fast and tried to make it sound like an offhand remark. "Plenty of time to decide. I don't turn fifty for another eight years."

Neither said much as they made their way along the river. He stopped at another covered bridge. This one was much longer and more open. Red and pink flowers dotted with white bloomed in flowerboxes along the side. "The Chapel Bridge is the most famous landmark in town," he said in his most cheerful tour guide voice. "It was built in the 1300s and is one of the oldest truss bridges in the world. The octagonal water tower was called that because it was built in the water as part of the town fortifications. It was a prison and torture chamber but has also been used as a treasury and archive."

"It's beautiful. Those flowers are wonderful."

Tommy was pleased her mood had reverted to the happier one of earlier. "Here let me take a photo of you in front of it."

He lined her up so that it was just a head and shoulders shot with the bridge in the background. The phone camera had no great depth of field which he rued because her emerald eyes where sparkling and her reddy-blonde hair matched the faded terracotta of the bridge roof. They both looked ageless.

Tommy took her hand again and waited for an objection that never came. They meandered across the bridge stopping to look at the brightly coloured triangular pictures that were cleverly protected in the apex of the roof. Some of the supports were not painted but instead were blackened by fire. "What happened to those?"

"A fire in the 1990s. A lot of it had to be restored."

"I'm glad they did. Lucerne is wonderful Tommy. I will never forget our time here."

They were standing hand-in-hand looking down river to the lake. "Neither will I," he said quietly before he bent down and softly kissed her cheek. "Fancy a bike ride?"

Barbara said nothing at first but she did not let go of his hand. "You said nothing strenuous. Is it flat?"

"Yes, just around the edge of the lake."

"The lake looks huge!"

Tommy laughed at her assumption. "Not a circuit, the path only goes a few miles."

"I haven't ridden a bike for years."

"You won't even need gears," he said pleadingly. Barbara acquiesced and at a stall near their hotel Tommy hired two sturdy bikes. They laughed together as he helped her practice on a small paved area. She wobbled twice and he had to catch her before she fell. He relished the feel of her body against his and hoped that she might need a little longer before being willing to tackle the foreshore path. "Let's go," she said, "before I change my mind."

They followed the path east around the lake. Tommy was careful to stay behind her until her faltering style gave way to more fluid confidence. He caught up and rode beside her. The path wound out of town which faded into verdant farmland. Tommy stopped at a gate that led down a lane to a small hill looking back over Lucerne and the mountains. He put his arm around her shoulder as they stood soaking in the vista. "This is perfect," she said as her arm snaked around him and she nestled her head into his shoulder.

He kissed her head and she looked up. "It is Barbara. It is indeed." He was about to take the step of kissing her when his phone rang and the moment was spoiled.


	4. Chapter 4

Stuart had waited impatiently at the British Airways counter at Heathrow for the first standby flight to Belfast. After waiting nearly four hours he secured a seat on the last run of the night. He had been wedged uncomfortably between a snoring Dubliner and a Catholic nun returning home for the funeral of her sister. She talked to him the entire ninety minutes they were in the air, mostly about the church and its chequered history in Ireland and why she had left for England during the troubles. The woman fascinated him and Stuart eventually told her about his situation. By the end she had convinced him, if he ever had any doubt, that his wife was the most important person in his life and that if necessary he should beg her forgiveness. "And take her to bed and remind her what's she'd be missin'!" the nun said with a wicked smile as they walked down the aisle to the door.

He thought about it as he checked into the cheapest of the airport hotels. It was too late to drive to her parents place at Ballycastle so he would hire a car and leave before the sparrows were up in the morning. As he lay in bed he wondered if Lynley had gone after Barbara. He hoped so. He would never let Lynley know it but he admired him and despite his sometimes poor personal choices he was an excellent detective. They both deserved happiness and he knew Barbara had waited patiently never believing anything would happen but always hoping.

At breakfast time he pulled into the drive of his wife's family farm. A bike would have been quicker but he wanted to bring her and her luggage back with him. His father greeted him surprisingly warmly. "I knew you'd come son. She's in the barn with the dog. Talk to her. She loves you but thinks she's losing you. And I don't want to see you back in here without straw in her hair and a grin on ye faces!"

Lafferty grinned as he walked across the muddy yard. The dog heard him first and lolloped towards him in big awkward bounds. Stuart braced for the two paws thrust into his chest and ruffled the dog's head. "Hi boy. Where's your big human sister?"

Stuart looked up to see his wife leaning cautiously against the door of the barn. "You took your time."

"I needed Lynley to boot me in my arse and stop me feeling sorry for myself."

"He'd recognise the signs. It's a pity no one ever told him to follow his heart and stop being such a miserable git. Now come here you fool."

In the late afternoon Stuart and his wife re-emerged from the barn. Her shirt and her underwear had been lost so she wore Stuart's coat and a sheepish grin as they tried to sneak past her father and up to her bedroom.

"That's it lad," his father whispered approvingly to a red-faced Stuart.

* * *

"Lynley!"

"It's Stuart. Her passions are made of nothing but the finest parts of pure love!"

"Did you phone me just to quote Mark Antony?" he replied tersely.

"No, I thought you should know I took your advice. I'm in Ireland and I've won her back. Have you spoken to Barbara?"

"I'm pleased. Yes." He turned to Barbara, "it's Lafferty."

"Oooh, is she with you now?"

"Yes."

"In your bed?"

"No! In Lucerne."

"Lucerne? You took me literally when I said take her away somewhere. Have you kissed her yet?"

"No, I might have if a certain pathologist hadn't rung me to quote Shakespeare!"

"Sorry. We made love vigorously in a barn for hours, nothing but hay and rampaging hormones. I hope it is as good for you two when it happens. See you soon."

Tommy jammed his phone back into pocket. The thought of making love to Barbara in a barn had a raw eroticism that made his skin prickle but he thought something more conservative would be more fitting. His mind wandered back to the large bed in his room waiting patiently for occupation. He looked at her but Barbara was still admiring the view. It brought him crashing back to the present. "Stuart's wife took him back."

"I'm glad. He's a flirt but he's utterly besotted with her."

"Being utterly besotted can be dangerous. It tends to make relationships very intense."

"Dunno...but I think that'd be better than boring," she said after considered thought.

"Indeed, nothing is worse than boring. Come on we should get back and get ready for dinner."

Tommy had arranged for dinner to be served on the rooftop balcony. Theirs was the only table, tucked privately in the corner but with a lovely view of the multicoloured city lights twinkling on the water. As they rode back to the hotel Barbara had fretted that she did not have the right clothes for dinner in a swanky restaurant. "Good, because you only need jeans where I'm taking you."

Now as she stood in front of him admiring the small table dressed in starched white linen and set with fine silver he could sense her amusement. "Best of both worlds," he said almost smugly as he stood behind her while they waited for their meal to arrive.

To his surprise Barbara stood waiting for him to pull out her chair. He did so happily, using it as an opportunity to brush her back with his fingertips. He was rewarded with a small gasp and was sure that she too was sensing that they were drawing closer to a pivot point in their relationship where they would have to decide whether to risk friendship in the pursuit of love.

The waiter uncorked a quality pinot noir and let it breathe. Barbara was not a wine drinker so Tommy had been tempted to try a lighter white but he could not bring himself to break with tradition completely so instead of beef he had chosen a pork dish. He had beer on standby but he hoped he could convince her to try the wine. "I've chosen a pinot noir for the meal," he said being careful not to sound patronising.

"That's fine Tommy," she replied smoothly, "I don't mind red wine but white is a bit...vinegary." He was learning more about her all the time and he was enjoying it.

First course was a traditional cheese fondue with plenty of crispy, artisan styled bread for dipping. Barbara was amused but soon started to devour more of the bread until Tommy lightly whacked her knuckles with his skewer leading to a game of trying to spear the other's bread pieces. They laughed at the exaggerated antics of the other until the bread and cheese sauce ran out. "Dance with me," he said much earlier than he had planned.

"Here?"

"No, on the lake. Of course here." He stood and offered her his hand. She accepted and as he helped her to her feet he found the right button on the remote in his pocket. A piano began to play a slow waltz which was an adaptation of a movie theme. Tommy extended his hand and Barbara placed her hand in his as they started to dance. He had refrained from telling her to follow his lead and was glad he had; Barbara was a good, if slightly rusty, dancer.

"Anna in The King and I."

"Sorry?"

"At school. I played Anna. That's when I learnt to dance."

"You dance as if you should be at a ball every week," he said genuinely. "I will invite you to the next one I have to endure so that I can show off my very own Ginger." Barbara laughed heartily at his joke. His own laugh died with the awareness of her breasts bouncing against his chest. He ran his hand down her back. There was no bra strap and he closed his eyes to enjoy the sensation of her body against him. He held her tighter as they continued to dance, aware that his heart was thumping and that she could probably feel it too.

The main course arrived too soon and he regretfully had to escort her back to the table. The waiters hurriedly served a thick grilled pork cutlet with beer butter, rosemary flavoured thick cut chips and autumn vegetables then discretely disappeared. As they ate he asked her about her time growing up and her school. At first Barbara hesitated but he started with her role as Anna then focussed his questions around her singing and other positive experiences and by the end of the thick chocolate dessert he had learnt her entire history, including the torturous year when her brother had been ill. He was unsurprised to learn that until that year Barbara had been popular and successful at school. "I'd even thought about going to uni," she confessed, "red brick of course. I'd never have made it to somewhere like Oxford."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm not that smart."

"You underestimate yourself Barbara. What would you have read?"

"I'd thought about being a teacher. Primary school maybe or social sciences at secondary."

"Well the education system's loss is my...er the Met's gain." He turned the volume of the music back up. "Let's dance off dessert."

Tommy knew that the two hours of music he had chosen from his iPad gradually slowed. He had selected a mixture of classical music and instrumental versions of popular songs. He had avoided overtly romantic ones, which was harder than he had thought. Now as the music became more intimate they moved closer together until they were barely moving, just swaying to the rhythm. He brought his leading hand close to his chest and snuggled her closer. "I enjoyed today," he said quietly.

"Me too. Thanks again for all this."

"My pleasure Barbara. I want to spoil you." That did not sound as honourable as he intended and he blushed under her scrutiny. In all the Hollywood films that moment would be when he leant down to kiss her. Instead they were disturbed by the clang of plates as the waiters removed the tables and setting behind them. He cursed them. He could not kiss her for the very first time with an audience.

They stopped dancing and leant on the stone balustrade. Neither touched and Tommy felt vaguely uncomfortable.

"It's getting cool. Do you want to go back to the rooms and have those chocolates?" she asked as if trying to pull him from an awkward silence.

"Excellent idea."

They sat on the lounge in his room looking over the lake as they selected chocolates to try. Tommy had only put on the bedside lamp so the room was a safe cocoon from the world. "Ooh, this one is great," she said enthusiastically.

"What was it?"

"Gooey caramel with a whole hazelnut in the centre."

"Which one. I'll try that."

The tension from the roof had disappeared and they had settled back into a comfortable, easy rapport. "Tell me about your childhood in Cornwall." Tommy put his arm along the top of the couch as he began to tell his tale. "I was born at Howenstowe you know. I caught Mother by surprise."

"What, you hid behind her kidney for nine months then just popped out did you?"

They laughed and Tommy dropped his arm around her shoulder and was pleased when she snuggled closer. He had thought about the physical aspects of making love to her but he had forgotten about the unity you could feel just cuddling. He wondered how she would react if he asked her to stay with him all night. She would probably feel pressured but right now all he wanted was to sleep in her arms. "Not exactly. You see..." Two hours later Barbara started to yawn. "I told you my life was boring."

"No, I liked learning about your childhood. You sounded happy on the estate."

"I was," he said with a sentimental sadness.

"It's late. I should go," she said stifling another yawn. "What plans do you have for tomorrow?"

Tommy stood and helped her to her feet. "I have somewhere I want to take you. We need to start early so breakfast at seven?"

"Hmm, okay."

At the interconnecting door he bent down and gave her a quick, chaste kiss. "Sweet dreams Barbara." She smiled and closed the door.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's note:** I am working from memory and a little Googling. I have romanticised some of this for purposes of the story but the donkey incident...was real.

* * *

When Tommy looked out his window Barbara was on the balcony, cup of coffee in hand. The morning light caught the gold her hair and when she sensed him looking she turned and smiled radiantly at him. He opened his door to knock and found hers already open. He went through to greet her. "Good morning. Sleep well?" he asked as he put his arm around her shoulder and gave her a quick hug.

"I did and you?" Barbara was smiling far more than she normally did making Tommy wish she was happier at home.

"Better than I thought actually. Ready for breakfast?" She nodded and they went down to the restaurant. The range of food on the huge buffet surprised even Tommy. Barbara ate twice as much as he could manage and he was amused by her repeated trips to the pastry stand. "Save space for lunch, I have somewhere special in mind."

"I'll have room," she said factually.

"Good. Come on we have a train to catch."

Tommy had bought tickets on the scenic carriage of the train. Glass curved across half the roof and down to the seat level providing panoramic views. He made sure the seats were on the righthand side where the view was best. "Back to your bank?" she asked, "is it like the movies where you go to a private room and they bring you your box? I've never seen gold ingots."

Unable to tell if she was just toying with him or really believed that he had a warehouse of Swiss gold he simply humphed. "I'm taking you for the best hot chocolate you will ever taste," he replied cryptically.

The train slowly accelerated away from the station and did a slow wide circuit around the top of the lake. Barbara watched the view intently from her window seat and Tommy watched her whilst pretending to also study the scenery. The last few days had confused him. He had for years thought of Barbara as his good friend. They were close in a manner that was hard to define. Last night they had learned more about each other and it had only served to increase the friendship Tommy felt. On the other hand spending time with her, holding her hand, dancing with her had all inflamed his desire for her. It had bubbled to the surface occasionally over the years but he had never acted on it because he respected their friendship. Now he wanted to change that and quickly. The more he saw her the stronger his physical attraction became and yet it had more to do with discovering her inner self than anything physical. Well, that was not entirely true. Discovering last night that she had gone braless stirred him even now. He lightly ran his hand over her back on the pretext of pointing out landmarks. Today she was fully clothed and he could only ponder what her motivation had been last night.

Barbara had always remained protective of that last piece of herself. He knew he was closer to her than anyone but until last night she had never talked so freely about her past or some of her inner feelings. It warmed him to have her trust and he did not want to break it by winning her into his bed, or failing to do so. He loved her. He knew that with certainty but was he in love with her the way a man is supposed to be? He could not bear to hurt her. He had thought he was in love with Helen but they had only really been good friends for whom sex and romance had ruined everything. For his sanity he could not afford to make that mistake with Barbara and yet after feeling her lips evenly briefly against his own he knew he would not be able to resist his baser instincts too much longer. That too was a conundrum because he wanted her in the gentle way he had last night when he had wanted to hold her close, much more than he wanted sexual union. He ran his hand through his hair as if it would help straighten his thoughts. Today he was tour guide and he would focus on that.

The train skirted around the lake. "That's where we rode to yesterday," Barbara exclaimed sounding pleased she had recognised it.

Their excursion continued down the side of the lake before losing it. Water re-appeared on the other side and Barbara looked confused. "Different lake," Tommy said, "we rejoin the other one soon."

They chatted about the towering mountains above rolling green fields. Barbara spotted cows grazing and tried to see if their necks were adorned in the bells she had seen in the tourist shops. "Everything seems so..."

"Swiss?" he suggested playfully. Barbara seemed different today, as if she was totally relaxed and unguarded. She had finally let him in past that last wall. He felt humbled yet undeserving.

The lake views were punctuated by tunnels and accentuated by high bridges over streams and meltways that scored the hills. The landscape changed as the track climbed. A wide valley narrowed quickly and soon they were clinging precariously to the edge of the mountain.

"We're climbing up to the Gotthard Tunnel. It's about ten miles long but they are going to bypass all this soon with a longer tunnel lower in the mountain."

"But this is so beautiful. It'd be a shame to lose it."

"They might keep it for tourist trains and local traffic. Now watch that church up there."

Barbara watched as the train climbed. The church popped in and out of view as they went through tunnels and over bridges. "Are we going in a circle?"

"Yes! It's a spiral up the mountain. See now the church's on the other side now and below us." Barbara looked up and grinned at him and without thinking he wrapped his arms around her and put his head on her shoulder. He felt her blush and in the window he could see her smile widen. He was shocked to see how happy he looked.

In the long tunnel he had no excuse to keep holding her so he kissed her lightly on her cheek then sat back in his seat. The outside darkness seemed to make the lights of the cabin more intense so that Tommy felt under scrutiny. She reached out, almost nervously, and took his hand. Her sad smile tore at him. He wanted to kiss her but the timing seemed wrong.

After the tunnel the train wound down into the warmer, drier Ticino canton. Tommy again pointed out landmarks and told her about the Italian influence on the region. "Lugano is one of my favourite towns, so close to Italy and yet still very Swiss. We don't have time for everything but there's one special place I want to take you."

The train station was higher than the city centre and they crowded onto a small funicular for the two minute ride into the heart of the town. Tommy could see Barbara's eager eyes darting everywhere, taking in the pastels of the painted buildings and character of the narrow, cobbled streets. He headed straight for the taxi rank. "Cassarate funicolare."

The cab stopped at what at first glance was a chalet. Inside was a cable station for the funicular to Monte Bre. A big, shiny red carriage was almost empty but after five minutes began its ascent through open pastures and small villages. They had to change to a smaller line for the steeper section to the summit. The old-fashioned styled cars were steeper with small compartments each allowing three of four passengers to clearly see the view over the section below them. Tommy and Barbara had one to themselves and stood closely tucked into one corner. The journey unveiled spectacular views of the lake and surrounding hills. The pattern of the crowded city streets were clear and Tommy pointed out churches and interesting buildings. "That little bit is Italy over there. They have a little section on the lake."

He relished Barbara's enthusiasm for everything he showed her. She had clearly travelled very little and he was enjoying playing tour guide and being able to share these experiences through fresh eyes. At the top he checked his watch. They had just over two hours. "First lunch then we can stroll through the forest."

Tommy took her hand and they chatted about the funiculars as they walked across the hill to Bre Villagio, a quaint terracotted roofed village perched in the side of the mountain. Blonde, stacked stone buildings with rusty-brown shutters crowded along a few narrow roads which seemed abandoned except for three motley brown goats milling in the piazza. Tommy led unerringly up some worn stone steps overgrown with dandelions to a building with a small, green door. He knocked and waited. A waiter in white shirt and black waistcoast answered and escorted them through the narrow corridors to a private table on a small open terrace that overlooked the azure lake.

Tommy ordered soft pretzels and two hot chocolates and watched intently as Barbara sampled the food. The look on her face was priceless. "It's wonderful Tommy."

"It's almost like drinking liquid chocolate isn't it?"

"Mmm! You certainly know how to spoil someone for their birthday."

"Only you." She looked at him so lovingly that Tommy wished he had taken her to the lookout first. He swallowed hard and cursed his timing. "Wait until I..." He stopped and looked away.

They ate and drank in tense silence. "That was magnificent Tommy. I see why you brought me here."

"Had enough?" She nodded. "Then let's go."

They walked swiftly along the path through the thick conifer forest towards the lookout and came to a terrace. From below them came the riotious braying of fighting donkeys. They looked cautiously over the rail and saw two donkeys. The pale grey female was standing on all fours against the stone terrace wall. The black male had his front hooves on her back and was biting her neck just as they were beginning to engage in mating. Both donkeys stopped and looked up at them. "Sorry! Carry on," Barbara called to them before backing away as Tommy had done. The noise resumed as soon as she was out of sight.

They looked at each other and Barbara started to laugh. "Don't look so shocked, you're the farm boy!"

"I just wasn't expecting...that," he said as he began to chuckle, "besides I'm not the one who apologised to two copulating donkeys."

"Hmm, but I understand where they get that phrase from now." Tommy smiled tightly beginning to feel inadequate.

As they continued down the stairs to the lookout Tommy wrapped his arm around her shoulder. He let Barbara admire the view for a few moments before he spun her in his arms and gently kissed her. Her arms circled him and he sighed contentedly as he pulled her closer.


	6. Chapter 6

Barbara's lips were warm and pliant and Tommy started to see light behind his closed eyes. As he began to playfully explore her bottom lip she locked on hard to his top one as if she would never let it go. The light became stronger as their mouths danced to a beat that felt both new and yet scarily familiar. Every square inch of him came alive. The fingers of his left hand moved through her hair in synch with his kiss. He was aware of how clean and fine it felt, like apple-scented gossamer. He felt her blushing against his cheek. His other hand slowly traversed her back until it rested on the gentle curve of her bottom holding her hips close to his thigh. Their lips retreated and rejoined, each time with more urgency and longing. Without words they both met each other with open mouths. Tommy's tongue darted inside and began to explore. Galaxies of stars exploded in light as her tongue fought back and began to besiege him. He groaned appreciatively, lost in her spell.

"We...should...head back," he panted between small kisses. "I saw stars!"

"Me too. I think it's got something to do not getting enough..."

Tommy put his finger over lips to silence them. "Don't spoil it with logic."

On the train home they canoodled like teenagers in the heady rush of first love. There were very few travellers on their carriage and Tommy was not sure he cared if people watched. They played a game of kissing as they went through every tunnel and for much of the rest of it Tommy encircled her in his arms and held her to him as they watched the scenery with his chin on her shoulder.

Despite his eagerness to return to Lucerne, at Fluelen they changed to the steamer for a leisurely trip up the lake. "You wanted to sail the lake."

"Oh Tommy, you are quite the romantic aren't you?" Tommy beamed with pride. He liked to be thought of as romantic.

They found a place on upper deck in a section near the streaming Swiss flag that flew proudly from a long pole extending behind the boat. Barbara held the timber rail and Tommy shielded her from the wind with his body. As they watched the mountains recede behind the wake he used his position to kiss her cheek and nuzzle her neck. He felt euphoric. Barbara had kissed him with something far deeper than physical passion as Deborah had or the friendship he had felt coming from Helen. He grinned against her neck as he tried to let himself believe she loved him.

The journey seemed interminable. It was not that he wanted to race her to his bed but more that he wanted to be alone with her so they could talk and kiss as he wanted to kiss her, something he could not do in public. "Have you enjoyed your day?" he asked as he nibbled on her earlobe.

"It's been fantastic! Ooh. But it's not all you have planned is it?" Her voice had dropped lower at the end seductively which resonated in his groin.

"No."

"Good I'm starving."

"For me?" Tommy pressed his body closer to her with a promise of things to come.

"No! For food."

"Oh." Disappointed, he moved further back.

"And you."

He wriggled closer and began to nuzzle her neck again. There was a spot he had found that made her shiver every time he kissed it. "Oh...that's good. I'm glad you have a healthy appetite."

As they walked hand-in-hand from the boat to the hotel Tommy noticed Barbara was becoming more nervous. He remembered Stuart's warning. He saw the time on the clock tower of a small church. It was almost seven. "It's been a long day. We should eat."

He felt her relax. "Where?"

Tommy had seen a schnitzel house near the hotel. "I know a place."

Over a dinner of veal schnitzels and rosti they both retreated into friendship mode as they discussed the day. "The funniest part was the look on your face when you saw the donkeys," she laughed, "although it seemed to do the trick."

"Do the trick?"

"Well you saw them at it and then kissed me. I thought it turned you on," she said mischievously.

"Havers! I was not 'turned on' by the donkeys!" Tommy's face went red. "I've wanted to kiss you more than you imagine. I was going to yesterday when Stuart chose the worst possible time to tell me he and his wife had been making love all day in a barn then..."

"In a barn? Really?"

"So he said. Then last night when we were dancing I was just about to kiss you and those damned waiters came back to spoil the mood."

Barbara took his hand. "Oh Tommy! I thought you were just be old-fashioned and courting me slowly."

"That too. I've wanted this for months Barbara."

"Months?" Barbara sounded astounded. "So this isn't a 'what happens in Switzerland, stays in Switzerland' thing?"

"No! Did you think this was just five days of fun and then we'd go home and forget it all?"

"Yes...no...not really. I don't know. I thought...because you felt bad about my birthday. You know..."

"That what? You thought I'd be nice and show you a good time? That I can just turn on the charm because you've missed out on my bed all these years? How shallow do you think I am?" Tommy felt numb.

"I don't think you're shallow. I thought you were being a caring friend. When you took my hand yesterday I knew where we were headed. There's been something...a tension, a question between us for years. I thought you wanted to get it out of our systems."

"Oh Barbara. This isn't about sex! If it'd only been that we would have slept together years ago wouldn't we? I don't want to get you 'out of my system'. I wanted us to be...it doesn't matter now does it? I thought we had something special. I'll see you later." He slammed fifty Swiss francs on the table and stormed out of the restaurant.

After a short walk he found a dark corner in a bar where he spent the next few hours. Tommy's sorrows refused to go quietly to their death. He had drunk far more than he intended trying to forget that his worst fear had come true. He had seen stars. He had known when he kissed her that he was in love with her. He had hidden behind excuses not to kiss her to delay admitting to himself he needed her in a way he had never needed anyone else. But Barbara was just after sexual release. She was no better than any of the other bimbos who had shared his bed.

He made more noise than he realised as he stumbled into his room. He let his coat fall to the floor and kicked off his shoes before he fell onto his bed. His feet were still on the floor but his back found the soft haven of his duvet. His head thumped and the stars he saw now had nothing to do with the infuriating woman behind the door. A few hours ago he was going to share his bed with Barbara. Now he was alone and would always be alone.

He had not noticed that the interconnecting doors were open. When he felt his bed dip he opened his eyes in surprise. "Tommy?"

Through bleary eyes he could see she had been crying. Despite himself he wanted to comfort her and kiss away her tears so he was glad his body was too inebriated to reach for her. "What?"

"You've been drinking."

"Well spotted de...tective," he struggled to reply.

"I'm sorry I upset you Tommy." She sounded genuine but she had hurt him. She had rejected his love and thought he was only interested in giving her a good time.

"You don't understand me at all do you?"

"I thought I did but I thought if you thought I thought it was casual and that I had no expectations...I don't...have expectations I mean...I didn't want you to feel obliged...I thought if you understood how very much I love you, you might...you know...feel you had to...I want you to, more than anything...but only because you want to, not because you think I need it or can't get it any other way. I don't want that. I want...well I'd like...sort of the way it was today."

Tommy sat up and ran his hand through his hair. He had followed very little of her speech but he had heard her say she loved him and it tugged at his heart. "Even sober I couldn't follow that."

"I love you Tommy, is that simple enough? I've been in love with you for years. I thought this was a birthday treat; that you knew how I felt and were just giving me what I'd always wanted. I pretended it was real and kissed you the way I wanted to. I wanted to have you for these few days as if it was really happening. At the restaurant I was trying to say I understand and that I don't have, well didn't have, expectations. When you said you'd wanted it for months I panicked because suddenly it was real." She sounded scared, contrite and angry.

"Do you think I'd play with your emotions like that? Do you really believe I'm that bereft of decency? Why do you think I never came to you after Helen died? I would have, if I wasn't in love with you. I've denied it for years, convincing myself that what I felt was on some higher plain of platonic love but underneath it all I knew. I was too much of a coward to think about the consequences then being here with you, when you opened up to me last night I knew but you threw my love straight back in my face."

Barbara let out an anguished cry and moved closer to him. "I didn't know. I never imagined you could ever be in love with me."

"Why not? Because you still can't get past the difference in our upbringing? When are you going to understand that doesn't matter to me?"

"No, not that," she said quietly, "because I'm not lovable. Not like that anyway."

"Oh Barbara. How can you even think that?" He could not remember how but he had his arms around her and she was clinging to him. He reached up with a shaky hand and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "You are the most genuine, loyal and caring person I know. You're the best friend anyone could want. It's easy to love you but it scares me to think about being in love with you."

"What are you so afraid of Tommy?"

He paused then sighed. He suddenly felt very sober. "That I'll hurt you."

Barbara blanched and he hastily added, "not physically; not like that. I don't know if I can be what you need me to be. I'm scared I'll disappoint you; that I won't be enough for you or the man you want me to be. What if I ruin what we have now?"

"Tommy, you'll never disappoint me." Barbara's arms were around him again. "And I only ever want you to be you with all the good bits and the annoying ones. If this...thing...doesn't work, we'll still be the same Lynley and Havers. I don't think we can break that but maybe, if it works we can make it better."

"So you admit you ARE after my body?" he joked.

"Mmm."

He sighed. "I can't tonight Barbara. I've had far too much to drink. I think my head is going to split open. Maybe tomorrow morning we can do the Golden Circle?"

Barbara hesitated and looked at the ground. He could see she was biting her lower lip. "Tommy, I...I'm not very...experienced," she confessed. "I don't know what that is."

He laughed softly and pulled her closer. Laughing made his head worse. "It's not about sex. It's where I want to take you tomorrow morning. Then maybe we can come back here and see...what happens." Tommy kissed her gently. "Now help me out of my clothes and let me close my eyes."

Barbara undid his shirt and helped him out of his trousers. She smiled at her mistake; she had always thought of him as a boxer man. She tucked him into bed and gave him a loving kiss.

"Don't go. Will you stay with me?"

Barbara hesitated only momentarily. "Yes."


	7. Chapter 7

A kettle drum in his temple was beating out his pulse. His mouth was dry and felt as if a bird had been in there denuding itself of feathers. He cautiously opened one eye but even behind drawn curtains the light was too strong. The only positive thing to the morning was the mess of red hair snuggled into to his armpit. _Maybe..._ he moved his head _...definitely not!_

An hour later he woke from a nightmare about sitting his finals at Oxford to find Barbara had gone. He sat up too quickly and his head thumped in protest. He groaned loudly and cursed his stupidity. He should have talked things through instead of seeking solace in a bottle.

"Hiya. Do you feel as bad as you look?" Barbara had ordered room service and was tucking into a hearty plate of full English.

"Worse! Pass me my sunglasses please...on the desk."

Tommy jammed them over his eyes and was able to look at the day. "I'm sorry Barbara. I should be..."

"Don't Tommy. I slept surprisingly well. Coffee?"

He nodded. "Then a shower. What time is it?"

"Nearly nine."

By ten he had showered, eaten some toast, swallowed twice the dose of painkillers that he should have, scrubbed his teeth and still felt awful. He forced himself out despite Barbara's protests. "The Golden Circle awaits."

"And it can continue to wait until you're better."

Tommy led her to the dock and purchased tickets. Even the smell of the boat was making him feel ill. "Fresh air on the upper deck I think."

Barbara was looking vaguely amused as if she were sympathetic but thought he deserved his punishment. "Do you need a sick bag?"

"No," he said sheepishly, still embarrassed by his behaviour.

As the boat slowly made its way to Alpnachstad Tommy hung his head in the breeze. "You look a bit like a labrador with his head out a car window."

Tommy laughed but stopped abruptly. "Don't make me laugh Barbara, please."

After half an hour Tommy started to feel better. Barbara had been standing close by but had wisely given him some space. He turned to her and smiled. "Come here," he said opening his arms. She did not hesitate. "I'm sorry."

"Me too."

Tommy hugged her close and kissed the top of her head. "I can be a fool but we'll be good together Barbara."

"I told you I'm not very..."

"I meant in life."

"Oh."

"And the other will work itself out." To reassure her he kissed her gently and was relieved that she responded readily.

They let the hordes rush off the boat. It was not a crowded day and they were able to leisurely walk onto the last row of the second car of the narrow railway. Tommy flicked back into tour guide mode. "This takes us up to Mt Pilatus. It's the steepest cogwheel railway in the world."

"Why are all their trains red?"

"I don't know. It's their national colour and they're easy to see? They look very striking against the green fields and snow."

As the train slowly climbed Barbara marvelled at the scenery. The imposing grey, limestone cliffs of Pilatus loomed ahead as they crossed steep alpine meadows dotted with wildflowers, fast-running streams and cows munching happily on the lush, green grass. Tommy explained the geology of the Alps, formed when the African tectonic plate slammed violently into the Eurasian plate pushing up the sedimentary basin into mountain ranges. "On the other side you can see more clearly where the land was folded on itself," he said knowledgeably, "and of course the big u-shaped valleys you see were worn away by ancient glaciers."

"If you ever want a change from solving murders you'd make a great guide somewhere you know. British Museum perhaps?"

"I didn't read archaeology," he said, pleased that he was impressing her.

The train passed huge pines that looked as if they grew at forty-five degrees. It zigzagged over bridges and through tunnels but mostly hugged the cliff as it climbed. On one side the grey cliff was only a foot away and on the other the precipice plummeted to the valley floor. "It's quite a feat of engineering," Tommy said.

"Yeah, well thank goodness for Swiss precision."

"And to think it first opened in 1889." Tommy could see Barbara was fascinated by the trip. It was worth his headache which, although easing, was still sitting heavily in the front of his head. "It's heavily fortified too. The Army has gun emplacements built into the mountain."

"I thought they were neutral and only had pocket knives." Tommy laughed involuntarily. She would amuse his social circle with her dry wit.

The train arrived at the top station. "Brrr! It's cooler up here," she exclaimed with surprise, earning a raised eyebrow from Tommy.

"Did you think because it was closer to the Sun it'd be warmer?" he teased.

Barbara pulled a face and Tommy stole a quick kiss. "Hot chocolate or coffee then before we explore?"

The sat quietly on the open deck of the cafe and watched out over the mountains behind them and the lake valley in front. The day was bright and the sky a beautiful, rich blue lined with a few wispy clouds. A few brave souls ran down the hill and launched into the air, their red and blue parachutes catching the wind lifting them up. They watched as the paragliders spiralled around catching updrafts before they disappeared into the valley. A lone alpenhorner stood silhouetted on the peak above them and the surprisingly sad and haunting tune wafted on the wind. As they drank, mist crept up from the valley and slowly engulfed the deck. It passed over slowly then broke up as it moved along the cliffs past patches of permanent snow trapped in the crevices of the rocks.

"This is so...Swiss!" Barbara said with a huge smile on her face. "I'll never forget turning forty."

"Good but I hope you remember it for something else as well." His tone was playful and his eyes greedy.

"Feeling better are we?"

"Better every minute I spend with you." Tommy noticed the blush creep up her neck. He would find the words to replicate that tonight and trace its path with his lips.

He took her hand and led her up the path towards the meteorological station. Part of it was hewn into the rock but most was on an open path with far more stairs than he remembered. Despite the breeze they were both panting and sweating by the the time they reached the summit. Tommy pulled her into a cuddle and kissed her. "On the top of the world, well at least for this trip."

"Mmm, I'm definitely on top of the world. Oh look! How cute."

Tommy followed her gaze. She was looking at the small, white chapel of Klimenhorn which was built only a metre from disaster. The grey roof with its cute tiny red spire stood alone on a green spur that jutted out into the blue. "It was once part of a health resort hotel. It and the cross further up are all that remains. It was built in the mid eighteen hundreds. We can walk down to it if you'd like."

Barbara looked around and saw the zigzagging path. "Not today but it's beautiful. It is still used?"

"Yes, as far as I know."

"Maybe one day we can go."

Tommy frowned then understood what she meant. "Hmm, maybe. Perhaps we could bring Stuart and Winston and a few friends." Her face turned crimson and he knew he was right; Barbara had had the same idea that had occurred to him. Tommy kissed her again, very tenderly.

They sauntered back to the observation deck then explored the tunnels that led to good views over the lake to the north. The walls were slick with seeping water and the floor was slippery. Tommy held onto Barbara to ensure she did not fall but it was more of an excuse than a necessity. Large viewing holes were cut into the tunnel and Barbara began to play hide and seek. Despite his headache and mild discomfort at the loss of decorum he joined her play. If this was what it was like to be in love then he liked the sensation.

At the end of the tunnel the view was broad and dramatic with the sculpted landscape and the juxtaposition of blues, greens and greys. Tiny brown chalets were visible deep in the valley. Against this backdrop Tommy pinned her against the rocks and kissed her more urgently and passionately than he had ever kissed anyone and Barbara was kissing him back with equal vigour. If he had seen stars before now he was travelling faster than light across the universe. "I love you more than I can ever express."

"I don't suppose that swanky hotel out there hire rooms by the hour?"

"Barbara! No, I don't think they would. Mind you we would be much longer than an hour."

They walked back to the observation deck. The cablecar station to take them back to Lucerne was to their left and the hotel, nestled into the hill, was to the right. They looked at each other then grinned and turned right.

* * *

"You two look relaxed. I take it you had a great birthday Barbara?" Barbara and Tommy were sitting at the Shakespeare Arms sipping their pints as Winston swung into the booth next to them. They had been back from Switzerland for two days but had barely spent a second apart.

"Thanks Winston. Yeah, I did," she replied with a huge smile.

They all looked up when Stuart arrived with his wife. She was wearing an outfit that was too sexy for the pub. "We thought we'd go clubbing," Stuart said as if reading Tommy's mind. "Do you want to come?"

Tommy shook his head. He was anxious to meet his social obligations then head home with Barbara to explore the limits of Einstein's theory of relativity. He caressed her leg under the table and delighted in seeing her eyes lose focus.

"So how did you spend the day?" Winston asked.

Barbara looked at Tommy as if trying to decide how much to tell. "On Mt Pilatus. We spent a few days up there." She did not add that they had not left their room, and barely the bed, for two days.

Tommy saw that familiar blush creeping up her neck so decide to change the subject. "We caught the railway up there and the cable cars down. There are wonderful views up there and I wanted to treat Barbara to something very special for her birthday."

Barbara squeezed his knee as she continued their story. "They have a long summer toboggan track where you change cable cars. You can see it for miles as you approach. I insisted we try it. I think we did about ten runs in all. You sit on these little sleds on a metal track. It snakes down the hill and then they tow you back up so it was scenic and heaps of fun." She did not mention that they had shared one sled and that she had been more interested in having Tommy's arms wrapped around her and kissing her neck as they were towed up the hill than she had been in racing down.

"Nothing like a fast run on a toboggan track to whet the appetite for fast sex."

Tommy spluttered into his drink and Barbara's face was beetroot red. "Stuart!"

"Did you two? Are you? I mean...really?" Winston stammered wide-eyed.

There was no point in denying it so Tommy stretched his arm around her shoulders and gave her a quick kiss. "Yes Winston, we are."

"At last!," Winston said with a relieved sigh. "Now I don't have to tread round you while you both pretend not to have the hots for the other."

"I don't have 'the hots' for Barbara," he protested at the term. His love was far more than lust.

"Are you over me already?"

"Oh no, never." He leant over and whispered in her ear, "if you move your hand a little further up my leg you'll realise how I feel...Oh boy! Yes! See?"

Stuart intervened and brought them back to reality when he cleared his throat. "So should we celebrate or let you two go off for whatever you have planned?"

Winston might have been surprised but he was smart enough to read the signs. He downed the rest of his pint quickly. "I have to go anyway. I'll see you all on Monday."

"We should go too," Stuart's wife said, "I feel undressed here."

When the others had gone they finished their chips and pints. "You still haven't said yes Barbara. We've told the others now so no excuses."

"Hmm, maybe you need to remind me of the question. Perhaps ask the way you did the first time."

Tommy bustled her towards the door grinning broadly. She might find it harder to say no when saw the ring in his pocket and he knew just where to hide it. "My place or yours?"


End file.
